Loneliness

These days I am finding that I am really lonely.  I can be in a room surrounded by people and still feel alone.  I have friends and I try to keep in touch with them.  However it seems they are always busy with their other friends or their families.  I do not hold this against them.  I get wrapped up in the things going on in my life as well and am not always the best friend I could be.  I guess what I am getting at is that at this point in my life I thought I would be a lot happier than I am.  I have no job, I am a single parent and I live with my parents. (who are not always easy to get along with nor am I) I keep trying to remember that God has a plan for my life but at times like these when I feel all alone it is so hard to remember that.  I am supposed to be taking my son to see his dad who he has not seen in about 4 years and all of a sudden I have no desire to go.  I know Ethan needs to have a relationship with his dad but I really do not want to put any effort into it. Am I self consciously bringing this loneliness on myself? 

A Few Things on my Mind

Okay so I have a couple of things on my mind.  Well a lot actually but I am only going to talk about a few.

First of all when I did the post about the things I don't like I was not in the mood to care if I offended anybody or not.  I now realize I was wrong to have this attitude and I do appologize if I offended anyone.  While yes there are people I know that I do not like, I realize that they are probable not going to change so I need to start praying that I myself change and then maybe the fact that though these said people are not people I will never call friends I may learn to like them.


Second for those who do not know we here in Humboldt County, California suffered a 6.5 earthquake on Saturday.  I am a reader of the local Craigslist Rants and Raves.  Now you might be asking what one has to with the other.  Well, I am about to tell you.  Soooo after said earthquake the next day I was perusing the Rants and Raves and someone posted about how Jesus must have made the earth quake to punish us for Global Warming.  The posts about this went on and on. Some for Global Warming some against it.  Name calling and all.  But when one poster had the audacity to write that JESUS WAS GAY!! I was utterly appalled.  Of course I had to post a response to this.  How in the world could anyone ever think that Jesus was gay?  He was and is the only perfect man to ever walk the face of this earth.  For those who don't believe me try walking on water or try raising from the dead after you were crucified.

Things I LOVE!!

So yesterday I posted about things I don't like.  Today I am going to post about things I love!!  Once again this list is in random order.

1)   My immediate family  (sometimes I don't like them but I will always LOVE them)

2)   My Son.  (he is growing up too fast)

3)   Nattie bean.

4)   Starla and her family.  (they are a blessing to me)

5)   Coffee from Shotz.   (I am not drinking it anymore though, too fattening)

6)   Scrapbooking

7)   The sound of rain.  (ahh peaceful)

8)   Wildcat football.   (who doesn't love this)

9)   GOD

10)  Thermal Shirts

11)  Expensive purses and shoes.

12)  The color green.

13)  Soft fuzzy blankies.   (oooh feels like heaven)

14)  Brand new socks.   (nothing like em)

15)  Reading a good book.  (I get lost in them)


So this list was harder to make than the list of things I don't like.  I like many things but actually LOVE very few.

Things I DON'T like!!

So it has been a long time since my last post but I am back with a list of things I don't like.  First let me say that this list is in no ranking order.  I am listing them as they come to me.  Peoples names will be used at my discretion.  Okay the list:

1)   Flat tires at 7 a.m. on a Monday morning.

2)   Certain people I attend church with.  (I could make quite a list with these names)

3)   Certain relatives of mine.

4)   Certain relatives of friends of mine.

5)   The curtains in the Fellowship Hall at church.  (they don't reach the bottom of the window)

6)   That Amber will not be in any of my classes next semester.

7)   Louie at work.  (very arrogant man)

8)   Ulisses Abigal Orozco  (enough said)

9)   A certain relative's attitude about things.  (he thinks he is holier than thou at times)

10)  Hair!  (not hair that is still attached to the body but those that have fallen off)

11)  Michelle's Weott friends.

12)  The bathroom at Jo-Ann Fabrics.

13)  The birds that poop all over my car.

14)  Crocheted animals or dolls.  (just as tacky as plastic canvas)

15)  Driving my son to school.  (why can't there be a bus?)

So this list could go on and on and on but I think I will stop here.  Maybe next I will make a list of things I like.  I don't know if it would be as long though. LOL

Homework and 9/11

So all this week I have been stuck at home cause well I am sick.  For one of my classes my professor assigned a 4-5 page paper about one of the 9/11 conspirators/terrorists. Bluck I said.  Now as I sit here and read about this man I have to write about it brings the whole thing back.  The shock, the fear, the ache in my heart for all those lives of innocent people that were lost.  I remember exactly what  I was doing when it happened.  My father who always wakes up early was up watching  a program he had recorded the night before.  As is was over and he was getting ready to turn the t.v. off the news broadcasts started.  I had just awoken with my son who was only a few months old. As I was stumbling into the family room my father says whoa you need to see this.  I sat on the couch and watched in awe as it unfolded.  This was early morning for us as we live in California.  All we could do all day was wonder why and praise GOD that we did not lose any loved ones in the attacks.  I hung tightly to my son all day that day and wondered what kind of world had I brought him into. 

Now a little over 8 years later, I have to write a paper about one of these idiots, (and yes I can think of many more unpleasant things to call them) and I am dreading it.  As I stare at his picture all I feel is hate.  This is wrong of me as a christian but how can I feel forgivness after what they have done?

You may not believe in this war we are currently fighting but I have to say that those soldiers and their families need your support.  They need to know that this country is behind them and that they are not fighting in vain just to come home and be hated. So as this holiday season is fast approaching remember those soldiers, their families, and the families of those that were lost in your prayers.  Actually say a special prayer for them and never forget what you were doing that horrible day.

Being sick!

My son Ethan woke up with a fever this last Friday and I thought to  myself oh no here we go again.  I mean the kid was sick with a bad cold/virus for like 10 days just a month ago.  So this time I called the doc and got him seen right away.  The diagnosis: Swine Flu.  I was like lovely just what we need.  The doctor would not commit though.  He would only say he was 95% sure that is what it was.  So I bring Ethan home and he sleeps and sleeps and sleeps.  Which is just fine as this is the way his body handles being sick.  As I am sitting here telling everybody he is fine my throat is starting to hurt and I am having a dry cough.  Well the next day Ethan seems to be on the mend and it hits me like a ton of bricks.  I am sick.  What did I expect when Stinky (ethan) is always drinking my drink.  Argh!!  I hate being sick.  I am the biggest baby when I am sick.  All I want is my Mommy when I am sick.  (she was having no part of it by the way)  So here we are on Monday and I feel like pooh, Ethan is much, much better, so much better in fact that he is back to his annoying self. Oh I love him. I on the other hand am still sick and still feel like pooh and the mommy I need is nowhere in sight!  She split and went to work.  Oh by the way yes I am 34 and still need  my mommy.

Go Ferndale Wildcats!!

My nephew Levi is a junior in high school and plays varsity football.  I as well as my sister Cindi (his mother) are so very proud of him.  Not only because his team is 9-0 this season with only one game left in the regular season, but for me it is because of personal reasons.  As his aunt I hate to say this but I had problems thinking this nephew of mine would be a good boy once he got older.  As a child he was not a very respectful child.  However this wonderful nephew of mine has definitly proved me wrong.  While he is still a typical teenager he has learned how to be a respectful, well-behaving young man.  One that I am so proud to say is my nephew.  He is none of these things because of me or my doing at all.  Everywhere I go once people find out he is my nephew they tell me either what a polite and respectful young man he is or what a tough football player he is.  (He is the smallest guy on the team and not afraid to go up against the biggest and the baddest while on the field.)  I am proud of my nephew for many reasons. 
So back to the Ferndale Wildcats.  This is the team my nephew Levi plays for and this year I have had the pleasure of being able to watch every one of his games but one.  Some may say these boys are lucky to have won so many games without a loss.  (They did not lose a game last year either.)  However anybody who has ever seen the Wildcats play football knows these boys have talent and an awesome coach who takes no gruff from any of them.  These boys work hard to be the winners they are and I am proud of all of them.

I have to mention that I am proud of all my neices and nephews and all for various reasons.  They all are different and they all are special to me.  One is not more special than an other.  I love them all and am proud to say that each and every one of them are mine.  I love you Molly, Callie, Tory, Levi, Emily, Tanner, and the newest one of all Natalia.

I do not know what I would do if anything were to ever happen to any of them.